So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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