I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
