i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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