Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
