he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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