and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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