I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize