I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize