So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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