Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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