i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
