Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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