The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
