i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
