Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
