So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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