he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
