i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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