This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize