I hope mine doesn't look like that
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
