dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
