I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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