Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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