if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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