He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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