No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize