Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
