Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
