how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's rum buckets o'clock
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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