I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
being pregnant is like rehab
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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