Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
