He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
