i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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