he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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