I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
