i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm just crazy horny about you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
