Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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