my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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