I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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