She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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