I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
