you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
