At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
