In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my shit smells like andre
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize