I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
