The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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