Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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