I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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