But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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