your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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