Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
