and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
