Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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