I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
time to smoke my breakfast
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
