I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
