After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
