Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
