the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
