Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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