I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
