im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize