There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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