Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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