get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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