I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
