At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
