I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize