i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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