she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
