yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
