the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
