my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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