Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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