Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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