Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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