guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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