Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
