Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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