Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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