Ambien. No doubt about it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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