can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize