Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
