if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
