either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just gargled with NyQuil
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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