im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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