pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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