dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
