I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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