My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
