I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
