is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
