And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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