I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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