Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
